To The Boys That Bullied Me In Middle School,
Two words I thought I would never say to you: Thank you.
Don't get be wrong, you made my life hell. I went home every single day 6-9 grade and cried because you made me feel so terribly about myself.
Every day when I would walk in and you would point in laugh at me, make fun of me for my size, or my acne, or for not being pretty enough. For telling me I'm never going to be good enough. It has consequences. Consequences I still deal with to this day.
Sometimes I really don't like myself. Sometimes I actually hate myself. And when I do, all I hear are your words ringing in the back of my mind. I'm sure you thought you were being funny, but little do you know I would go home and pick myself apart - every little flaw I have.
It got to the point I actually started to take a blade to my skin because I thought I deserved it. Because that's how you made me feel.
Don't get all conceited though - it wasn't only you. You only added to the number of things I had to deal with. One being a secret I was burdening - that I had been/was being sexually abused. Knowing that makes you feel great, right? I hope.
It's clear I'm bitter, no doubt about that. I attribute a big part of my depression and self doubt to what you would say to me. But still I have to thank you.
If it weren't for you, I don't think I would be studying psychology. I don't think I would have the passion I do to help other people love themselves, and to tell people they are more than what they have been through.
You made me fight, and become mentally strong. I had to fight every single day to get out of bed to come to school. I used to beg my parents to let me stay home, or just decide not to get ready for school so I wouldn't have to face you. In the beginning, you would start saying terrible things to me and I would cry and you would make fun of me for crying. Everyone would.
"Stop being such a baby"
"Stop crying, they aren't worth it"
"Don't be so sensitive"
I heard it all. But eventually, I didn't cry anymore. I didn't stop coming to school (usually). I sat while you ridiculed me and turned the other cheek. I reported you and you got in trouble, ridiculed me some more, but I still turned the other cheek. I wasn't taking a blade to my skin anymore, and I wasn't coming home every day and crying. It was a great feeling.
Over the years I worked to become stronger mentally so I could help others through the same issues I went through.
Im sure I would have made it to the point I'm at now, eventually. But you definitely sped up the process and I thank you for that. Now I can go on to do more of the things I'm passionate about. I still work on bettering myself and loving myself, and sometimes I still hear your vicious words, but now I know how to handle them.
Now, I'm strong.